live fast die last

hands down im too proud for love

2012-02-24T00:34:00.000-08:00

But with eyes shut, it's you I'm thinking of.
I think I'm a little bit in love with you.
But only if you're a little bit in love with me.

undress me with your eyes

2012-02-24T00:22:00.004-08:00

The ever so famous Rodarte For Target Tulle Bow Dress in coral. In tribute to my girly week. Paired them with Litas and a band uniform-like blazer.

Messing around in the following pictures. :)

in the skool line checkin all the boys who were fine

2012-02-23T23:03:00.002-08:00

Pointless pictures from today. Throw in some dro which I did not smoke (hooray), spilled spaghetti, a pack of potes, a couple cans of beers, and amateur rounds of billiards. I don't know. I feel like a middle-aged man having poker night with the boys sometimes.

On the other hand I bust a few moves at the mall today. Awwlex was in awe and tried asking me where I learned to dance like a black chick... I was just copying moves from Just Dance 3.

jump for me

2012-02-22T21:47:00.031-08:00

Slept in a few hours yesterday due to fatigue. "Fuck school" has been my totally ideal motto since the semester began. Woke up to an invitation from Austin to go on a mini adventure. I walk outside to find a him standing next to a motorcycle with two helmets in his arms. And if you can guess the obvious, I went on an awesome bike ride at 11AM. Note to self: don't wear shorts when riding a motorcycle.

After a what we consider a long time apart, Awwlex and I finally spent some quality time together later that afternoon. Ended up burnin it with Rob around evening until Awwlex was high beyond gravitational pull, which was quite fun to watch. Sat in the car for a good half hour and listened to The Savages.

Took a little break from good ol' Mary Jane (typing this in thought of Chris and his burning love for "her"--literally) today and watched the guys and Rob smoke joint after joint after joint... I'm probably concerning people with the number of times I have talked about marijuana. It's okay you guys, they only smoked from morning until sunset. And I only smoke when I don't feel like thinking. Which is everyday... Whether at the gazebo, the waterfront, in Chris's backyard... Totally normal. Rob and Justin went on home in the afternoon. Rushed Chris and Jace to drive to the southern most tip of Vallejo, in attempt to keep things interesting, to watch the sunset from one of the most beautiful but secluded views I had saved up my sleeve. It was "breathtaking." Attended church for about six minutes with Chris for Ash Wednesday. Bounced since he was still y'know, and I felt awkward in the clean environment. Ate at Wingstop dressed semi fancy. Currently typing this while in the car. Desperately trying to document everything.

Justin tied flowers tied in my gross hair.

Dressed fancy with Jace. Taken by Justin.

Taken by Chris. Added 2-23-12.

on like a light bulb

2012-02-20T01:53:00.008-08:00

Yesterday was one of the most amazing days I've had since the year began! Even though things got really weird. Like really weird.. Woke up to a phone call from Justin asking if I'd like to tag along and walk around the waterfront with Jace and Chris, so I run out bare-faced, hair uncombed, in bright pink booty shorts and a white Lilo & Stitch shirt, with little clue as to what misdemeanors we'd get ourselves into further on into a supposedly normal Sunday. Hope that did enough foreshadowing, heh.

Looked around the creepy Barbie shop along Georgia. Had breakfast as Java Jax. Walked around the downtown area until we had to drop Chris off and pick up Shane, whose mom we met and called Mama Cray. Jace was in dire need of a ride to SFO to see his dad arrive in the bay. Shane's mom was kind enough to have Shane drive him, so we went to Chris's house, helped him clean his garage, kidnapped him from going to church (I know, we're terrible) and drove off into the sunset... Taking the San Rafael way to the Golden Gate bridge was, despite the many accidents and cops and the traffic, a long car ride of awesome screaming (to songs). The bridge was beautiful with the bright sun just to our right. And the music was perfect. It was all so perfect. And Shane says I'm the best shotty he's had in a long time. Ain't no better throne for me than the passenger seat. After circling the airport twice we finally dropped Jace off and headed home for a rewarding night. This includes hopping the fence to soak in the Jacuzzi of an unguarded apartment complex, drying off at a view on the side of a hill by Belvedere, and watching Mulan, eating, and spending the rest of the night at Shane's house, like your typical slumber party. Spent dawn smoking cigarettes that could line up all the way to China and talking things out on the driveway with Justin and driving around the block screaming our lungs out for a stress reliever. Spent later that night at a local park until Austin came and smoked us out. He also called over Patrick and had us hop into the Rapist Van (I kid you not, it was like a true rapist's van). Went home near midnight to crash and burn.

finally got some sleep

2012-02-18T13:39:00.001-08:00

I was baked out of my mind last night.
I sat in the car through two different parties,
while Awwlex went in and attended them.
I came home at 2AM.
I don't remember leaving my house?

And I'm sore.

spam and added commentary

2012-02-16T19:17:00.000-08:00

Uncanny lookalikes.

We stuck onna rock. Wadup wit dat?

Joanne's birthday party.

Like really really really from tha hood tho!

The hair on my brush. LOL.

Whipped cream 'staches.

Justin's the biggest cutie.

Heehee, Chris is releasing his inner Asian fangirl with us.

$<3*~KAWAIIIIIIIIIII~*<3$

I'm in a relationship with three dudes... Actually, we're all in a relationship with each other, it seems like. Do we get our own movie on Lifetime yet?

More pictures on my FLICKR because I finally started updating it again. And I will be adding/have added pictures to my Valentine post. :)

heeey gurl u won be ma valentime

2012-02-14T10:45:00.000-08:00

Every year my boyfriend was my Valentine by default. This year every otha dude and they momma tryna come at me with that "I aint eva had a valentine" thing. I didn't know it was that serious... But I'm real flattered~ Love for everybody!!! #singlepeopleproblems #unintentionalvanity #leavemealone

I think the real issue here though is not summoning the courage to make that special someone your Valentine, but instead how this supposed holiday puts those individuals out there under extreme self awareness ... of just how single they are. Let's not forget about the real victims here. //I don't know what I'm talking about, I was in a rush.

Give it up for Singles Awareness Day aka S.A.D.

2012-02-13T23:21:00.001-08:00

I won't remember a thing.

oh no i've hit rock bottom

2012-02-11T22:45:00.000-08:00

For someone who absolutely loathes superficiality I sure do know how to exert it. This blog has been, for four years, an outlet to me unlike any other. How I wish that justified the bottled stress within me now and the crap content polluting my site. Why do I feel the need to make everything brief and concise? Why do I fear so much sharing the way in which my mind works? Why do I present only finished products and never progress? I function like business and profit in misguided admiration. But I can honestly state that serving as an image of perfection is not listed in my intentions.. I believe in one-on-ones. But there aren't enough hours in this lifetime to sit and chat, get hurled into an adventure, sleep, dine or argue with every other person in the world. And not everyone would be in favor of people like me.

I'm not particularly pretty. I don't act pretty. But I'm nice. And considerate (until crossed). And I care a lot about people who have been kind to me. But I hold no control over my anger. I throw sharp-worded insults and I know it works. But it causes people to think ill of me. I like taking pictures. I smoke and I'll keep smoking until I get over it or die. I like anything dark, deadpan, or raunchy. I like wearing men's clothes. I will not wear anything less than four layers in cold weather. Simple characteristics seem to disappoint expectations of femininity that others assume I have or should have grown into. I take everything in as if it were meant from the heart. My life revolves around sex, drugs, love, and impulse. I hate superficiality. But it works. Because I don't get hurt that way.

Excuse the stream of consciousness.

provocative? what does that even mean

2012-02-11T20:30:00.000-08:00

Let's all take the time to thank Awwlex for getting this on camera, and myself for being perverted with a lollipop.

I'm sorry I haven't matured past the point of turning everything into sexual innuendo. I just thought this would make a good ad for a sex-talk hotline?

five

2012-02-10T17:02:00.000-08:00

One.

Aside from my first pair of Nike's back in 2004 (I bought what I think belonged to the Air Force collection, or whatever), these heels were the most I've ever spent on shoes in my life. It won't phase me if they aren't all that great to my audience, if they grow out of date or already have, if they make me ridiculously tall, if they become impractical to whatever environment I may end up in in the next several years (or until they render unwearable), buying these last summer was the first step I took out of dim days and into sunshine. I relived that feeling yesterday when I put them back on for the first time in months.

Anyway, time to go on a movie date with Allyson. What better way to watch a highly coveted chick flick than to do so dolled-and-fancy with your just as oh-so-single (she better be or this will all be a LIE!!!) best girlfriend.

Been blogging in bulk lately. I don't like it. Laserz.

a couple of pounds at most, thankfully

2012-02-10T16:43:00.000-08:00

This is what has become of me. What am I saying? This has always been what is of me. Throw in a couple orders of Wingstop, Combo, Tapioca Express, Happy Sashimi, Yo's, Pho, and all that other humblabla and you have yourself a sloth of a chick with no income, no motivation to exercise, and decent but dormant cooking skills, lavishly spending on takeout by the hour.. Let's not forget to include "See's Chocolate Lollipop addict" in that description... oh, and AWESOME. Yeah. Thought I was gonna leave that out?

I'll have all of you know that whether it is morning, noon, or night, I WILL--I REPEAT, I WILL BE AT YOUR LOCAL RESTAURANT.

2012-02-02T22:54:00.001-08:00

p.s. i was a total baked potato yesterday.

so much for having friends

2012-02-02T12:28:00.000-08:00

If you're too worried about your own backbone.

As I spend more time with them my walls have also been peeling faster. It's a scary thought, since often I am the only one who isn't engulfed by testosterone. I knew where to draw the line back then. I knew when to cut or pass, or just simply keep my distance. Why? Because I can't climb some fucking rocks without slipping to my death. I can't stay out in the cold for too long without someone lending me a jacket. I get hungry every couple of hours because I can't eat as much in one sitting. I run into mother nature's nasty surprises at the worst times, and so to drag the rest of them to the nearest convenience store for a box of tampons was just awful on my part. And I easily grow tired. It must be a drag to feel like you need to take care of someone like that! And I have too much pride for my own good.

It's become clearer to them what my vulnerabilities are, as much as I try to avoid it. After all, in a group of men, I am just a woman, and physically, I can't keep up, and mentally, I am less likely to take risks, and naturally, I should probably be more careful if children are in my distant future. (That last one I don't look upon too much). And really, all I want to do is be stupid and have fun with people who want the same thing. And emotionally, well, I needn't worry. I know better than to take affectionate gestures into consideration, or to cry about things. But who knows.

So my solution: detach.

burn burn burn

2012-01-31T20:44:00.000-08:00

So we skipped again today. Le sigh.. Made the niggas make an intertwined cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die pact at Starbucks this morning that starting February we're all going to school everyday from now on, which probably translated to "as much as we can possibly handle" deep down inside. Walked through campus and into Woolard's room hand-in-hand with Chris and Justin during lunch, taking a deep breath right before entering, only to find out we were to make up the essay test during class.

whip it right

2012-01-31T20:24:00.000-08:00

Last week was such a blur. The weekend was a blur. Yesterday was a blur. Even earlier today was a blur! I've been spending every day and every other day, and then some with my husbands Justin, Chris, and Jace (and Shane from time to time) for the past week now. Or was it two weeks? Or was it just last week, and the week before the week before that? Or maybe not? I don't know. I don't know what date falls on what day anymore. I don't know what day it is anymore. Hell I didn't even know it's the start of February tomorrow. Someone help me.

But on Sunday I told myself that starting this week I'd attend school regularly again. The next day I jumped out of bed at 630AM and did my best to get all ready before Justin arrived to give me a ride. I was so prepared for everything to fall back into place, and I was so close too. I mean I was in the goddamn parking lot already! Which is usually as far as it gets. But I somehow ended up at Chris's house at eight in the morning anyway. Lo and behold. It's just so hard you know? My mind says stay but my heart says leave. I'm in a love/hate relationship with the road to success... er, I mean school.

What do you do when your wallet looks hurt as hell though? Bum a pack, play video games, nap, have a bunk bed war (Justin and I totes kilt Jace and Chris doe, WHAT UP), argue, yell, listen to six minutes of 10HRS of Keyboard Cat, make a fort, get hot in the fort, evacuate fort, get back in fort, slightly disassemble fort, watch a two-star Spanish film about sex, watch real porn (I occupied myself with Temple Run while the guys watched), smoke more stoges, decide to go to Berkeley, pass by Shane, the guy you invited and totally forgot about, make a u-turn and swoop him and play it off like we didn't forget about him, go to Berkeley, walk around, eat a bagel, eat Yogurtland froyo overwhelmed with diarrhea-inducing toppings, have a stomach ache, walk around for ages, steal equipment from smoke shops with the best names ever, sleep walk while cold and hungry, hold hands (which I did with all four of my hubbies btw, WHAT UP), smoke more stoges, eat nachos, get hit on by two men, be Shane's wife, get our giggin on in el vehicle, go to the marina in Glen Cove, take our pants off and attempt to wade in 30-degree water at night, slip, almost die, retreat, MISSION ABORT, continue to be stupid, do deadly things with the local park's apparatus, buy tampons at Safeway with the assistance of Justin and Shane, retreat back to fort aka Chris's bed, shower. Ugh, shower <3

So I was car DJ on the way back home.

Justin: "Can you play Whipping Baby, or Whip It Baby, or Carry My Baby or something lke that?"

I: "Who's that by? Black Girl?"

Haha, crackin up with Shane the entire ride back home. Our children so ratchet.

No more sober days, please... It gets too weird.

am i more than you bargained for yet

2012-01-29T14:36:00.000-08:00

Things that I have taken a liking to, or again:

FIT, Pixi (primer), travel size hair products.
Laced shoes. New found appreciation of the Aldo heels and Steve Madden boots I impulsively acquired over a year ago yet never liked wearing.
Pleather leggings and anything suede. (Tan Litas, Wine Hellraisers, Dolce Vita Jamisons, taupe Target boots... all so heavenly suede-arific!!!)
Monkey backpack and owl shaped lipbalm. Gifts from Awwlex's trip to Vegas.
Forte Koup---THE BATMOBILE. So incredibly.. illegally black... that I can't even spot it at night.
Dotted tights that I hated and refused to wear for the longest time.

I read my posts sometimes and literally just shake my head. Like, my blog has "needs Jesus" written all over it. What do people do on Sundays! Oh. Church. I'm the worst Catholic ever...

neglected december

2012-01-29T14:12:00.000-08:00

Dayuum boi dat chin hair wtf.

I was shocked to find that I had only two folders filed under December in my documents. Had some good times with two of my best friends, Awwlex and Pipa. Sacramento. San Francisco. Late lunch with Awwlex's pops on Christmas Day, dinner at Pipa's later that evening. The Italian man who offered to pay for my $10 parking fee. The handsome white guy who smirked when I peeked out the dressing room (in search of Awwlex) in nothing but lace. I'm pretty sure he saw my boobs... The last day of the year that I spent with Justin.

And the one day that tainted the entire month. Still infuriates me. I should have just made a collage of these pictures. Would've made it easier to scroll through my blog. Edit: I made one.

why do i care

2012-01-25T18:04:00.000-08:00

It did not bother me before that I had passersby. I did not know of them then. But like they say, "you can't un-see what you've already seen." How troublesome is that? And how vexing it is that this no longer feels mine. Shall I perform tricks on my unicycle, everyone?

aimless things i du and bai + etc

2012-01-24T20:45:00.000-08:00

Alas, the long lost twin reunites!!! (Jordan Espena x Alex Abinales)

From suspicious Chinatown dumplings (a you-had-to-be-there), to a Henna kit I stole back in October just for the sake of stealing, Black Bear Diner's famous Belgian waffles, to a What To Wear notepad (next purchase will be the Self-Therapy format for obvious reasons), I believe I've made it clear that aside from takeout my spending has gone to stupid causes. This is a toast to myself and all the other dignity-reducing things I've committed. Give it up for Claire the social reject.

Courtesy of iPhones.

2012-01-23T11:10:00.000-08:00

Why is it getting easier and easier to just say 'fuck it'?! It's not helping me at all!!! >linefacehere<

2012-01-22T22:53:00.000-08:00

Who are you now? Was it me or you? Did I do so good a job that it worked? Or did I do so poorly you drew the line? How easy you had it that I manipulated your course for you. And I'm lost. Three years. There was always someone, yknow? Before, in between, during, after. Now it's just hit or miss, run home or cope, front or sit in silence. Who am I to them? I wander too often for my own good. So often, wherever or whatever it is I wander in becomes the reason of my frustration. More often than not I wish I meant my nonchalance. But I don't. I hate rain.

vegas

2012-01-20T17:14:00.000-08:00

And the one place I want to revisit the most.

(Circa August 2010)

moments in life that i truly miss

2012-01-20T17:00:00.000-08:00

2007:

So in 2007 I bought my first digital camera, and I don't really understand why but I had a habit of taking oddly themed pictures.

2009:

Me being really ugly, and my mom.

Lookin' like straight crap at a rich-people BBQ in the backyard of a mansion on top of a hill overlooking other mansions, belonging to the owner of Berkeley Honda and other dealerships, in the luxurious Black Hawk (best. name. EVER) neighborhood. Like seriously, that guy is so rich, he had drivers pick up his guests in the Berkeley Honda test-drive cars from the Black Hawk public parking lot, where we waited, to take us up to his house!

Making food with Awwlex.

2010:

Lame collage of the best times we had.

2011:

trek

2012-01-18T23:14:00.000-08:00

I didn't make it to the giant oil refinery towers in time like I said I would last time (the sun had set). Some other day I will pull myself out of my man cave before the sun sets, but not today. The cons of being a woman: takes a decade to get dressed.

Differences between the sixteen year-old and the eighteen year-old me.. Let's talk about that yea? Been feeling less confident with my gang-affiliate abilities lately. A lot less likely to test the law I mean. I hadn't any enemies then, which gave me the impression that I could slip away with anything. I did until Michelle happened--won't even go there fuk dat ni hao betch. Also can't really imagine sex without feelings anymore--I KNOW, I KNOW. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BECOME A HOOKER LIKE THIS.

I'm kidding. I'm really kidding. And I'm not affiliated with any gangs. And I'm sorry for my racial slur. I won't do it again I promise.

to live by

2012-01-16T17:56:00.000-08:00

If I want something done I gotta do it myself.

Has absolutely nothing to do with the pictures above. I just wanted to show the world how I made use of Awwlex's red pants.

losing grip of self worth

2012-01-16T00:03:00.000-08:00

I frown sometimes at the the sweet words used by one to describe another, made out to the public, for the plain sake of letting it be known--I silently wish I were that supposedly lovely being on the receiving end. This isn't to say I'm not blessed to have sweet and caring people of my own. This is a matter of esteem... and heightened hormones, perhaps. (Mostly likely the latter, as I don't often shed tears without shocking reason). I'm not looking to be loved. I wish to be understood.. And vouched for. When I'm spoken ill of even the closest of my friends don't seem to defend me. When I accomplish remarkable things the only person that puts it out there is me. It's all self-driven. I'm like an essay with no citations. Or like an author with no books. Credibility is lost. Am I just shamelessly promoting myself?

Perhaps I am only envious. Of the lady with the bold gentleman quick to spread word of his woman's latest act of love. Of the verbally victimized member backed up by her righteous, outspoken, conveniently confrontational clique. Of my past lovers whose greatest qualities I had tried to prove existent and worthy to the rest of the world. Of those who are not just glanced at, but given a closer look.

since then

2012-01-09T00:06:00.000-08:00

I've never seen him look this gorg in candid pictures.

If I were a chip I'd be a pretty stale one. That's how I've been lately. Stale. Not miserable, no. Like eating snacks when you're neither full nor hungry. That's it. Yeah.

Note to self: have your brows waxed from now on.

happy new year

2012-01-03T19:42:00.000-08:00

Shit got crackhead weird here. I don't remember..

Aren't we just the cutest?! We look like such a couple haha.

Justin was the sweetest to me all night though. Rubbing my arms and back when I got cold and wrapping me in the blanket he brought. So cuuuteee. <3

My New Year's Eve was great--by far the best I've ever had, and to top it off, Justin made a great boyfriend-in-practice. :) My last hours of 2011 were the most amazing of the year, but I spent the first day of 2012 fucking throwing up every two hours and sleeping haha. Awesome.

puking out my overdramatic feelings

2011-12-26T13:31:00.001-08:00

It's the day after Christmas and I haven't on my plate but some cleaning to do around the house and a hot shower. In the last several years of my life the thought of being alone has been depressing, but after much time and effort I have learned to appreciate times of solitude. I've learned to appreciate the entertainment that television shows are supposed to bring--forgive me for I am a noob--this includes the anticipation, excitement, arousal, and opinions that are brought about, the worshiping (yes, I have even come to worship some aspects of my favourite shows because they are just that great), and of course, the discovery of mind-blowing plots, good and good looking actors, clever lines and catch phrases, and even music. They help me kill time without being provoked by my overbearing thoughts, and they give me something to look forward to and enjoy when I know I am to be alone. It feels great to be interested in something aside from humans.. relationships.. significant others, and avoid all the complications that fall under those things. It feels nice to love something and know that I, as a viewer/follower, is loved back, by the actors, creators and producers, because without people like me, they'd have no audience, no reason to share their masterpieces, no pride or fame, and no money rolling in, and without them, I'd have the limp mind and body of a vegetable. That is all.

2011-12-19T22:11:00.000-08:00

Thank you also.

jasper

2011-12-19T17:24:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday I went to Berkeley for some retail therapy. I was delayed by a couple of friends and, to my fury, arrived past closing time. So I walked around mad and burning stoge after stoge when I finally decided to walk up to this old dude selling beadwork along the sidewalk playing Nice and Young (Crosby Stills) on his Walkman, and asked if he wanted to smoke with me. He said sure and I sat there on the sidewalk telling him of my frustration. He goes, "here," hands me one of his necklaces, and says, "this is Jasper. You deserve a little something." After squealing in awe, he proceeds with his story of the '89 earthquake, his trip to jail because of acid and shrooms (SO AWESOME), and his final decision to begin making accessories out of stones and beads. Awwlex, Lance, and Pipa, thinking I'd been kidnapped, out of breath, halted before us, and the man goes "Oh hey guys, Claire's not mad anymore. I gave her Jasper."

Haven't removed it since. :)

2011-12-07T22:18:00.000-08:00

There are just so many things I really don't and never did care about. Sorry if I mislead anyone. But being the douchebag-in-hiding that I really am, I don't mean that sorry. So...

there is a drought going on

2011-12-05T00:39:00.000-08:00

I can't pinpoint what it is exactly that's been drying my mind as of lately. It could be the nonexistent income, the paralyzing weather, the lack of stimulating activities like hopping off an airplane or chugging bottles of booze at the right time and place or sex on the rooftop of a mom&pop (teenager thing). It could be due to the number of bridges I've built without the pillars, or the bonds I've made long ago and, without notice, left stale. It could just be the processed junk in my pantry that I've been living off of this last week as a means to save money for the holidays (oh how I've missed dining out). But whatever it is that's responsible for my shamelessly obvious rejection of other people, it has carved out two options for me: continue waiting, as advised in the sayings "good things come to those who wait" and "when the time is right, it will come to you," or see the error of my ways and adopt the extrovert's spunk and attitude, which will provide me a very convenient engaging personality, but nonetheless, leave me obnoxious and probably more oblivious (something I'm honestly very terrified of). But to have a fraction of a life is better than none at all so who gives a fuck.

On another note I went to a party on Saturday night and I met a couple of real chill dudes who, the second I revealed my name, gasped in unison and said "so you're the infamous Claire!" Apparently they had heard of me more than a few times before and so "the face finally meets the name." I don't know, but isn't that just too cute!? Though I think they didn't quite know the meaning of infamy because I haven't been diabolical lately... lol.

full of wonder and awesome and wonder

2011-12-01T19:54:00.000-08:00

So i got a pair of Doc Martens and UNIF Hellraisers which totaled to nearly $300, and a $300 well-spent. Convinced Awwlex to also buy a pair of Docs but since we've been broke all week because of that, I went ahead and treated him to a new pair of skate shoes he can wear and wreck everyday. Aren't I the sweetest?

*********

You'd think I'd go overboard with "unbelievable" sales on my first try at Black Friday shopping but apparently I am so amateur, not only did I buy two full-priced pairs of shoes,

I also bought them online. -__-

thanksgiving weekend

2011-11-30T00:04:00.000-08:00

Don, Pipa, Awwlex, and Justin.

Had a relaxing family gathering in Oakland for Thanksgiving, which was followed by late night trips to some shopping centres due to Black Friday sales. Emeryville was quite dry of that so we lined up at Target. Almost bought a 40" flat screen TV but my mom didn't give me the thumbs up so I walked out empty-handed. Ironically, the second I get home she asks where the TV is and I spiral into frustration once more because it was such a cool TV and they'd probably already sold out after I left and my mom reveals to me I was supposed to buy it all along. That's communication for you. What ever would I do without it..... ugh.

On the other hand, I've been seeing my baby cousin, Jin, more often this month than I have all year long! We also switched clothes with each other which explains her revealing dress that I know she's never wear.

some november stuff

2011-11-17T15:35:00.000-08:00

Things ranging from the night of the Pacquiao fight which my family (and Awwlex) watched on payperview in Oakland, to expensive sushi dinner nights, to the miscellaneous things that go down in the AP Gov room during lunch.

Cold-weather things I've yet to check off my bucket/shopping list:
+ SF outdoor ice skating Union Square & Embarcadero
+ Visit snow for the first time, and hopefully snowboard for the first time
+ Toboganning!
+ Drinking hot chocolate by a fireside (preferably a bonfire, and in my snuggie--yes i have a snuggie)
+ Volunteer at seasonal events to help the homeless
+ Go caroling... punk rock style
+ Buy a pair of doc martens
+ Buy a new pair of pants
+ Buy a Levi's jean jacket

i'd like to place emphasis on this

2011-11-02T21:49:00.001-07:00

Just because it is SO extremely relevant and completely hilarious how people can get mind-blowingly obnoxious to the point where your last fuck expires there and then.

You stop regretting not having punched every homewreckin hoe the second you found out about them, cause while you were in your golden days, they turned into the pile of shit you wound up outshining. You stop regretting not leaving the dick who played you, sold you out, and fucked you four days prior to asking out a new bitch, before he got the satisfaction of doing any of that and pretending like he did nothing wrong. You stop looking back at good times, trying to seek friendship, and eventually, the very thing you have been wishing for but they had been delaying for ages--closure. And everything just suddenly.. feels better.

what the fuck do you know about my friends

2011-10-30T19:31:00.000-07:00

If you thought I was done posting pictures, WELL I'M NOT!!! Haha.

I love my girls so much! Surprised me with these gifts on Friday and carried them with me all over campus while being bombarded with greets. Not to mention, Ally and I finally decided to wear our Litas to school (we waited for an occasion). I now know what Maix meant about "turning heads." There were the bold black girls who already wear the highest heels on campus with or w/o occasion, the chicks who always dress up for school that could barely speak but manage to utter "I like..." without bawling their eyes out, the ones you could have sworn hated you but are suddenly smiling their heads off at your feet, the few people who claim to be heading towards FIDM after high school that pretend they know what the shoe is but wait for you to name them because they really only recognize it from Tumblr, and the one shy girl you've never seen in your life who actually knew what they were called. Just buy em at Nordstrom.. wthell.

Mixing pleather tights with a patriotic grandpa sweater.. I need a fucking stylist. Why hasn't Maix moved up here yet. :(

The book of things to do when you're 18.

And Allyson bought me a really pretty pipe as a gift..

So we took a hike and smoked celebratory Salvia up in the hills. Then me and Ally met up with Justin and Chris and got stoned for ages. I donteven know what happened. I just remember making a camp site in the hills and the donut shop.

"Leave the rock alone you guys! Leave it alone!"
"Dude I don't know if I went pee!"
"What if like every time she said 'dude' a dick fell out of the sky."
"This is the part where we die."
"No this is the part where we... sacrifice Chris....."

*********

And of course, a winter jacket I've been very much in need of, a box of Godiva chocolate for my demanding sweet tooth, Lioele BB Cream (omfg so juiced to try it out), and my first fitted hat ever--the only one I've ever wanted--by Mishka, all from the greatest guy in the world!!! He went all out to try and top my presents for him last month, but idk, mine was pretty awesome.

Check it out:

**UM, NO ALLYSON, NO, I MADE THE BOOK!!! -__-

it's my birthday i'll photospam if i want to

2011-10-30T17:24:00.000-07:00

View of San Francisco from Twin Peaks.

Awkwardly trying to bring the dog that desperately tried to follow us around back into the van that it jumped out of.

Haiii I'm sidewayz.

Me being super annoying while Awwlex is trying to take a shot of the view. Lolololol.

Za zang myun.

Had brunch at Olive Garden with the Moms and Awwlexander the Great yesterday in celebration of my 18th birthday. It was fairly warm out so I finally put my coral dress to use. I didn't think it flattered me at first, but it eventually worked out after adding accessories--yes, I wore the two things I can never seem to bring myself to like. Stopped by church for a few minutes, then dropped the Moms home before driving off into the city with the best. I changed clothes and threw on the $80 jacket he gave me for my birthday (isn't he the sweetest?!) Decided on Twin Peaks as our destination. Zazang on Geary (been dying to go there) for dindin (the jajang was soooo gewwwd), then hit up the hookah bar in Ranch 99--they didn't even card me! Tangerine, Sex on the Beach, and Love (flavours). Heads were pounding when we got home. Blew 10 candles on a single slice of cake while mom and Awwlex sang a very rushed Happy Birthday since it was melting, haha.

i have feelings too

2011-10-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

I long for slow days, cat naps, more Avatar marathons, Filipino romance films, sunlight, winter days, thick wedges, long hair, old ways, chess games, home-cooked meals, long nails, convenient habits, a slim waist, quality family-time, some clarity in my future, stability, answers to my questions, a routine, a clear mind, tea every morning until death due us part.

I fear the things that are too good to be true, places too nice to stay in for long, words that are too heart-felt to be heard, and all else that throws off your sense of reality.

And then there is myself. I am my own worst enemy. I am aware, but I wont admit. And it will be my birthday in six days. I am legitimately debating whether it will be a good time to die and know that the eighteen years of my life were well-spent, or if it is time to punch myself in the face and start living life a hundred-eighty degrees the other way, no matter the steepness of uphill sprints and the likelihood of survival in a battle against lizards.

I have feelings too. Ones that occur and reoccur beyond my control. Ones I avoid through substances and company. Ones I suppress by concluding them with typical teenage-phase phrases like I hate myself/everyone and I want to kill myself/everyone (disturbing as they sound) before the question of why unfolds and repeats itself all over again. I have feelings too. Ones you could have sworn dissolved long ago but had been reignited at the sight of something so simple like my own name.

feelin lit feelin light 2am.. thursday night?

2011-10-23T21:53:00.000-07:00

Homecoming rally x game x dance.

Never in my life have I partied on a school night. Particularly one before rally day and the homecoming game, and of course the more important matters; quizzes, tests, and due assignments, and other things that will sooner or later be the death of me. It doesn't always pay to be unconventional, I know. But when have I ever been otherwise? Anyway, the rally was weak, the game was a bore, and the dance was wack. Satisfied our "drunchies" at Wendy's, then hit up Val's party after and KOed in the car until I woke up in Hercules and ran to the bed and slept my life away.

It feels as if it's been ages since I last laid a finger on my desktop. Had all sorts of school functions this month. It is just so unlike me to be participating in nearly all of them (but we all know I have to for the sake of social interaction). I can feel myself shifting. Involuntarily, that is. I have no idea who I am anymore.

Lookin like a serious vampire up in these last three pics..

In conclusion, I am tired, grimy, and still as cross faded as ever.

a group of asians

2011-10-17T22:57:00.000-07:00

Who all somewhat look alike.

2011-10-16T00:35:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted all the time, and yet I prove to be more restless than ever. My friend and I, ridden with eye baggage and the stench of more than a few cigarettes, on a quest for some action before sleep, drove out to a hill where we ever so casually made a bonfire in the wee hours of the morning using unimportant items, household chemicals (well aren't we a couple of little daredevils), and of course, a lighter---all done just before the crack of dawn. It was.. fun. Not safe. But slutever. I've only got thirteen days until the big eighteen. I've also finally been renown as the Hitler of my school, so that alone should testify my lack of fucks. Not really.. cause fuck you.

Speaking of my birthday, I've been thinking of saving the trip to LA for a more appropriate time, and leaning more towards some sort of step into the modern world (materialistically speaking)---you know, perhaps by acquiring an iPad, or a Macbook Pro even, just so I have something to play with before I hit the sheets.. or trading in my Nikon for a nicer Canon (I smell conformity in the former sentences). Or a bike. Hey, that sounds like fun. Or a puppy! Wait, that doesn't fall under technology. Okay, well... [ENTER WADS OF CASH THAT I DO NAY HAVE]

Check me out with George the sheep!
me luv aminalz

a week in bullets

2011-10-09T16:08:00.000-07:00

Mean Girls in celebration of October 3rd.
Paid in weed for a favor for a friend. What to do with it...
Buffalo Wild Wings after some snatches at Sephora and Mac. Mango Habanero kicked my ass.
Senior portrait appointment, makeup by Nicole, blood test, Ano Thai Lao Cuisine first-timers. Still have to stop by that Chase to pick up my debit.
Berkeley at night for a fashion show for the grand opening of Sway. They had Awwlex and Kevin do an opening bboy performance so that got me in.
Yo's and 50/50 with Jordan. Ran into Java, Ephraim, and Pipa as well. Good night good talks car seats sidewalks. My treat to Italian next time.
Ended up heading to Hercules/Pinole past midnight for Kevin's birthday party. Drove my boys home. Guys and their love for beer.. I'll never understand.
Wingstop with the only Steve-n I'm going to remember in my life. It's weird knowing it isn't a white guy. Like the ones that died and made history. Y'know, Steve Irwin, Steve Jobs... is Steve Madden still alive?
Looking forward to some quality time with the tv + soul food + my girls this week, the beach with Jordan, and Wednesday with Awwlex.
No Treasure Island music fest. for me. Need my money for the road. Or alternatives, if it comes down to it.
Questioning Homecoming. I'll buy a dress anyway.
I wish I had an iphone.. with a keyboard.

"Showcasing" Arvin's handmade clothes for an AP Art project (we were just trying to get out of class).

It doesn't occur to me sometimes that Sam isn't a woman. So you can imagine how odd it was to hear him yell "come to daddy" the other day.. because biologically, he wouldn't be kidding. *shudder*

I was combing my hair with my fingers.Excuse awkward posture.

the hyphy movement at it's finest, or so i think

2011-10-02T15:12:00.000-07:00

OKAY LIKE THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN. Giggin for days. And every time I had to leave to clean up people who were throwing up, I'd come back and see this was still in motion. The living room could have passed as the dance floor if there weren't like 15 people bouncing on the same two couches. OH AND THE PARTY FOUL, LMAO SOMEONE BROKE A BOTTLE AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE ":OOOOO" k bai.

Straight creepin Eric Le.

It still reeked of hella weed and throwup in the backyard the next day.

I love Hogan and Vallejo people man. Dri and I were the only c/o12 Bethel heads there.... fck bethel.

Jared 1.

Jared 2. Jared 3 (Jerod) is somewhere in these pics...

That couch felt like heaven until I woke up to Jared snoring and Pipa freestyling. -_-

So it turns out that Awwlex and I do know how to host. It was a very strange list of guests but then again "there's nothing you can't solve by getting really really drunk"---that's not entirely true so don't take that quote seriously, especially when driving, or chopping vegetables, or climbing a ladder, please and thank you.

Oh but I did miraculously carry Dara's drunk ass to the garage until Buddha stepped in. Idk how I did it, I was really crossed. Guess my superman instincts came into play. Also, everyone jacked the full crate of snapple and box of rice krispies, wtf?! Too many damn people with munchies. AND WHO TF SHAVED THEIR EYELASHES OFF IN THE BATHROOM?
Breh.. what in the hell.

korea house & texas roadhouse

2011-10-02T12:32:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to yoooouuu.

His uncle was eyeing his bowl of ice cream all night.

Presents from your best friends. :)

The Bob Marley shirt was from Pipa. The Hundreds backpack, the Adidas Sambas, and the gray Sketchers were from me. Good thing I was broke because if I weren't I would have been stupid enough to actually spend $60-80 on each of them. The real present is much more special!!! It'll arrive in 3 business days...

october

2011-10-01T23:09:00.000-07:00

the things i do would mean that much less the second i turn eighteen. but it would mean that much more if it opened the door to existence.

2011-09-30T00:46:00.000-07:00

what you don't know won't hurt you. good thing i don't know shit.

my life in a nutshell

2011-09-28T01:02:00.000-07:00

The kind of shit you find a week later and be like QUE.

Anyway, I'd like to say HAPPY 19TH MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY TO AWWLEX! YOU ARE THE PHINEAS TO MY FERB THE COW TO MY HERD THE FEATHER TO MY BIRD THE SHIT TO MY TURD, I LOVE YOU LIKE A LOVE SONG BABY I'D MAKE YOU MY QUEEN IF YOU WERE A LADY, CAKE YOU AND BAKE YOU AND CALL IT PASTRY, MAKE YOU FAT AND CALL YOU THICK SHADY.
Word-to-obama-imma-call-you-llama-cause-I-stole-yo-pajamas-and-flew-to-the-bahamas-bitch.

v-___-v Peace out, xoxo.

when you're satisfied keep going

2011-09-25T14:21:00.000-07:00

Woke up to rain. Apparently, cuddle season has arrived? Nothing I can't work around with the number of jackets and blankets I've waiting in my closet. But even if I didn't own any, I wouldn't be cold... I'd just push earth closer to the sun.

But I love the heat. I'd rather sweat bullets bathing in sunshine at a burning degree than endlessly chatter my teeth in the wind and cold. Things have changed, though. Over summer I was able to check off everything in my bucketlist, and it felt so amazing, and liberating, and eye-opening---I know now that the seemingly unbearable are bearable and things are definitely not impossible. So now that the seasons have shifted, and my slate is clean, despite that I am so so sensitive to the cold, I think it's time I write up a new list. One not involving clamming up indoors.

*********
Waterworld in film:

Spent the trip with the "big boys."

2011-09-23T14:49:00.001-07:00

dont fall in love with me

rebecca black would not approve of this

2011-09-22T20:23:00.000-07:00

I second guessed that the black Benz would be his (it was). And that he already had ideas up his sleeve while I had none. My Thursday consisted of some brie cheese, a baguette, and a bottle of champagne at the park, Marlboro Reds, an overly indie movie currently showing in theaters which we only bared with for some twenty minutes, and vandalizing public property with a giant Sharpie. Guess there isn't much to do at 21 after all. But I wouldn't know. I wont be 21 anytime soon.

this is a title

2011-09-21T21:06:00.000-07:00

Had a Mediterranean lunch in Napa the other day. Oh, and I discovered a Korean place in Berkeley today that served jajangmyeon. So I went inside and ordered that shit. I love my food and all but thank God we can finally save ourselves the suicidal drive to and around SF/Oakland. I also lost my flash drive, so aside from losing faith in all humanity, I guess I won't be posting Waterworld pictures anytime soon.

Small World and some Ben & Jerry's.

nobody knows me and you better than you and i

2011-09-18T23:22:00.000-07:00

Don't jump into relationships because you're trying to escape, they say.

But if it weren't the case entirely, early mornings would be hellos instead of goodbyes, roads would be endless, and i'd dj for hours on end until you hit a gap between two cars along a sidewalk and we'd have to switch seats because i parallel park a little more accurately than you do, and it wouldn't matter what time of day we drank iced coffee because i wouldn't need a blanket and you always carry extra jackets in your trunk just in case.

*********
NOV2011
Dear Steven,
I hope that someday you'll read this and get mad because that would be funny since you have absolutely no reason to. Remember that time a few weeks back when you rhetorically asked me who knew me better than you did? I thought that was so funny and really cute of you that you would assume this post was about you because it wasn't. And because you probably thought you still held that position in my life? Lol. Who do you think you are. You don't carry extra jackets in you trunk, you never let me drive, iced coffee was never our choice of drink, and we were always playing your music when in the car. So, had you put the pieces together, it would've been obvious that it wasn't about you. Let's not give ourselves more credit than we've actually earned.
Get your head outta your ass.

hungover like there's no tomorrow

2011-09-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

And I caught a nasty cold the other day so I've been waking up congested as a motherfucker. But of the three parties I attended over the weekend, last night left me in awe. I mean, I figured I should avoid the playing card-ridden round table surrounded by ridiculously loud, half naked party guests for the rest of the night but somehow I was convinced into joining the game? Maybe it was fate, idk. I should have known it was a truth-or-dare-surrender-your-soul-and-dignity type of thing cause like, one round later, I lost (no surprise), and there I was at the center of the stage for all their sick peer-pressuring dares and camera phones. I HAVE NO IDEA IF I'M STRAIGHT ANYMORE.

... I'M ONLY JOKING.

Gigglin behind victor hahaha.

finally

2011-09-13T22:24:00.001-07:00

the irony in people who try to pull too quickly from the past is that they get so curious to look back, and when they do, they realise they haven't really moved forward at all.

i'm glad to have made that mistake once before because now i see why i've been taking things slowly. good things come to those who wait; and they say once you stop looking, that's when you find it.

wateva wateva i do what i want!

2011-09-11T01:57:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, R.I.P to all the people we lost ten years ago.

*********

Labour DAY family BBQ in Fairfield.

Adrienne's outgrown lineup.

Authentic Thai in Benicia.

Bffffffffffffffff x sideways 8.

China Town.

Happy Sashimi. Free drinks and green tea ice cream!

So I think Friday marks the end of my four-week wild child party streak. Still have to make that Perry x Black mashup dedicated to the epic mission to get Allyson's drunk ass back to my house. Super thanks to Dri, Awwlex, Robie, Michael, and Adrian for helping out! It's almost a couple of weeks into September and it's time to set my larger plans into action. The senior trip to Waterworld is on Wednesday. Allyson and I have secured ourselves each a new pair of extremely over priced swimsuits from AA for the occasion. Does this make me seem materialistic? Wateva wateva I do what I want!

so like

2011-09-04T17:32:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking of making a mashup of Last Friday Night TGIF (Katy Perry) and Friday (Rebecca Black) and posting it on YouTube and becoming super famous.

Chicken tikka masala, lamb curry, and garlic naan: heaven in one sitting.

VV** This is exactly what it looks like. A trip to jail... **VV

FRIDAY: Walnut Creek. Vallejo for Jared's party. Hercules.

SATURDAY: Berkeley. Fairfield for AJ's party. Vacaville for Allyn's party. Hercules for JM's party.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

Matching UNIF shirts from UO with Awwlex.
I can do O's on the hookah now!
Drove Awwlex and Pipa buzzed from Vac to Herc, to their amazement, haha. I learned from the best driver I know, but nobody knows that. xoxo <--lol!
Untagged black AA shorts exactly my size.
Three parties in one night. There's a first for everything.

FAILURES:

Set UO alarm off.
Beerpong with Kim. Lost by two cups to two white douchebags. And everyone was rooting me on too. :(
Peer pressured into chugging a 40 (damn you Dylan).
Died from hella E&J. Jesus Christ wtf do they put in that shit??? o.0.e.O.O.0.o
Being too damn pale in these damn pictures. Wth.

i can't do one thing; i am tiger woods

2011-08-28T17:08:00.000-07:00

Delicious ass turkey burgers from Andie's Cafe in Napa. Some shoes and bags, a bunch of orange makeup, and a fortune that will most likely come true,

vacaville suburbs

2011-08-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

Met all sorts of new people that night. They were extremely friendly. Aside from the one bitch that I seriously would have pushed down the stairs, if she hadn't been the girlfriend of the guy who who's house we were in.

what about them i'm all about them

2011-08-21T15:35:00.000-07:00

If there was anything that I accomplished last night, it would have to be the drunken celebrity shot that I totally made in without aiming. Memoirs of a beerpong virgin.

weekend wars

2011-08-14T00:23:00.000-07:00

Um... that is NOT my hand dark ass hand haha.

Wind made ma hur grimey :(

K.flay.

Phantogram.

Foods.

MGMT.

Here are my crappy pictures from Outside Lands---an event that called for wildly dressed people, in the midst of ugly weather, roaming around acres upon acres of forest-like lands (Golden Gate Park). It turned out that I didn't pay an entire hundred for my ticket, since I hustled a hustling black guy for $40 for my used one upon leaving the premises permanently. But with impatience comes the karma that finally caught up to us (with such impeccable timing too) when we came back to a $90 parking ticket. Lesson of the summer: FOOK THA POLICE MANG.

sf exploratorium and san tung

2011-08-10T02:18:00.000-07:00

Shoutout to ma ride or die Allyson cuz it's her birthday today~ ;0 Happy bday xoxo <3<3

annual solano country fair

2011-08-07T18:58:00.000-07:00

I'm terrified of ferris wheels.

As you can see...

Okay anyway, we went to the fair after checking out the new Sephora on Travis---I didn't walk off without a few new items of course. But yeah, you'd think the fair had some nice little rides..

THEY DON'T.

THEY BE SHAKIN THE SOULS OUTTA PPL N SHIT.

pretending to be tourists

2011-08-05T23:29:00.000-07:00

Felt it was about time that Awwlex, despite that he'd been to the city more often than I ever have, walked the one and only Golden Gate Bridge for his first time. So we did just that, of course not without looking like tourists (courtesy of moi and my camera). After that very windy yet strangely not-as-cold-as-I-expected-it-to-be walk, we ordered some Korean to-go and a four loko.

jc's

2011-08-04T23:53:00.000-07:00

you spike my blood

2011-08-03T23:42:00.000-07:00

Got him that watch as a gift.

Made use of some "mint-condition" items in my closet after finally coming across a good occasion to wear them. Not quite sure why I look teary in that last one. Kind of curious how far in life that puppy face can take me. And why doesn't anybody ever comment on my posts... I get lonely talking to myself!

goodbye july from santa cruz

2011-07-31T11:59:00.000-07:00

From giant bags of sour patch, white chocolate pretzels, and reeses pieces, to Cupertino's local pizza, to fresh roasted corn on-the-cob, deep-fried oreos, garlic fries with deep-fried seafood, and funnelcakes, I think it's safe to say our heavily trafficked 5-hour drive to Santa Cruz (in contrast with our 4-hour stay and our 1.5-hr drive back home) was all for the sake of diabetic foods, all of which are easily accessible and probably less expensive in our own town. And although the lines of the Giant Dipper, Fireball, and the Haunted House did test my patience.. and my wallet's capabilities... they were, in the end, responsible for our fucking awesome ass Saturday. That and the man who was lenient enough to buy us drinks to sip on in the car ride back home.

jajangmyeon

2011-07-28T23:46:00.000-07:00

It's much more delicious than it looks.. I promise.

glow glow melt and flow

2011-07-27T23:32:00.000-07:00

Practically sold our unborn offspring to the black market. Claryson is back.

cold soldier

2011-07-21T21:41:00.000-07:00

Sore and deathly sick-looking but I did really well.
Now anemic from blood loss---> meat meat meat.
On some heavy pain-killers for a week.
Slept like a baby for the rest of the day after discharge.

I am forever in debt to my best friend who not only paid the co-pay, but spent the night with me to wake up early in the morning, take me to the hospital, stick it out in the waiting room for three hours, only to take care of me for the rest of the day.

gonna come clean

2011-07-20T23:16:00.000-07:00

I have been extremely sick lately. Like really sick. I'm having surgery tomorrow. :'( Just thought I should share.. but thanks to being ill, I've grown comfortable with being bare-faced and under-dressed in public.

Weeeee, pictureeeeesss.. of serious stuff..

And pictures of not so serious stuff.

Breakfast with my friends at The Joy of Eating.

independence day

2011-07-18T13:17:00.000-07:00

Fireworks on the water.

away i go

2011-07-14T10:06:00.000-07:00

Woke up yesterday and called Awwlex to get online so we could officially buy ourselves tickets to Outside Lands over the phone together. That was $100 out of each of our pockets on a Wednesday morning, but I can't believe I actually spent that much money for myself for once. Excited for the 12th's lineup and the food stands. Gotta find a fit for the event now. Hoping for severe sunshine that day.

too many bbqs

2011-07-09T11:17:00.001-07:00

Went to Carlene's yesterday and watched everyone get fucked up in broad daylight. Cut at 10 instead of the usual 2 cause I have seen a beer pong table every fucking day this week and I'm so tired of being around people, beers and shots, and vapes and blunts and pipes. I swear to God if we go to one.. more.. goddamn party/bbq...

Nothing I do is relieving myself any faster than I've been trying and I don't want to pick myself back up because I'm tired and miserable beyond gravitational pull and I doubt there is anyone strong enough to lift me up and against human nature but I think I'll put this stupid rubber bracelet back on because it's supposed to make you stronger or something. Let's hope it applies emotionally, too.

compressed pt.2

2011-07-08T13:12:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY, JULY 6

Lazy day. Ate brunch at Yo's and fell in love with one of the employees. Went to Hercules and watched rented movies. Cried my little eyes out.. Went to Zeejay's/Mateo's house later that night to find some very drunk friends playing beer pong. Home.

*********

THURSDAY, JULY 7

Had lunch at Yo's so I could see my secret lover once again. Naptime. Headed out to Rancho for Buddha's bday party. Then came the beer pong and the stoges and the drinks and the hotboxing and the dancing and the laughs and the broken screen door (lol!) and the drunk texts I sent to a few people and the munchies and then I had to drive us home because Awwlex was in no shape to do so himself. Tis was a fun night.

compressed

2011-07-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

MONDAY, JULY 4

Headed out to the marina in Suisun with Awwlex to meet up with Isabelle and her family. Went on the boat and went tubing in the water, which felt really good in the really hot weather. Swam in the water for a bit until we decided to dry off and walk around the waterfront there that was holding a festival. There were food booths everywhere, a few of merchandise, some carnival games and a ferris wheel at the end of the waterfront, and a couple faux tattoo booths. Got a stupid Mike Tyson henna tat on my face with Isabel (ugh, why Claire, why). But on the plus side, after buying corn from every corn booth I found, I found this legit Mexican stand that sold corn on the cob with butter, parmesan, chili powder, and lime, and it was amazing! And even though the three of us were full we ate at this Athenian grill and shared a Greek salad, grilled cheese sandwich, flatbread, calamari, gelato, a chocolate cake, and iced coffees. Spent the rest of the day lounging on the boat until the sun set and the fireworks came about. It was nice watching them while atop the water. The reflections added to the effects.

PHOTOS ARE OVER HERE!!!

*********

TUESDAY, JULY 5
Awwlex and I were too tired to drive out of town and check out the places we've been planning on visiting so we bought a pack of beer, some buns and beef and chips and salsa and all that good crap, and threw a late-night bbq at Pipa's house, to which BK, Adrian, Balls, Austin, Justin & Mitch, BJ & Joanne, Jared, and Carlene came to. Everyone just suddenly decided to smoke weed and ten minutes later we're laughing about ceram wrap and HP references and Inception, and the guys were racing to the top of the playground in the park, and Jared took a very moded picture of everyone and Awwlex did some weird twisty shit under the half-opened garage door and we were laughing too hard at the Spiderman Potato Head and everyone suddenly got the munchies and then I decided to pass out on the couch like always. As you can see, Awwlex is quite BAKED (HAHA):

you're a harry wizard

2011-07-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

FOREIGN MOVIE VIDEO HERE.

He'd finally left so I spent the entire weekend at Allyson's house, sulking together in our misery, making half-hearted inside jokes about it, eating "food for the soul," watching just about any program that came on the tv, and listening to upbeat 80s-summer-hits until we couldn't stand the relevance any longer.

*********

Later that night Awwlex and I headed over to concord to watch Transformers 3 at the city's drive-in. It was our first time ever going to one and it was perfect---the hot dogs and giant lemonade and chocolate candy. The movie finished too late to drive back over one bridge then another so we just went straight to Hercules. Breakfast. Cook-egg-on-sidewalk experiment fail. Jamba Juice and Happy Sashimi. Three-hour closet nap. Stoge hunt with Justin. Wardlaw field late night smoke break until the fire dept made a strange visit. Drove the fuck off after it got weird.

today i heard the truth

2011-06-30T11:41:00.000-07:00

The straight, sharp-edged truth that---staying true to cliches---wounded up to be more comforting than the bouquet of lies or balloons of inflated words you gave me will ever be. Feelings of ridicule are then followed by a tantrum. But with patience, it settles in, and it is almost as if the hard-hitting truth were the very feel-good words I've been dying to hear. A sort of level-headed masochism, I think.

I'm free.

something i should have done long before

2011-06-27T10:14:00.000-07:00

Time to play catch up.

That one Tuesday with Justin at Vallejo's Jelly Donuts and thrifting at Community Shop and the Wonderbread store and picking up Allyson and Jeffrey and going to Lake Herman and walking barefoot into disgusting water and climbing a tree full of ants and the "Away We Go" inside joke and talking about sadistic game shows starring wild animals and and killing the community pack and Gracie's strawberry lemonade and passing out at Allyson's house after.

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Going to DK with Steven for the first time together and getting stuck on Medusa and waiting in lines full of obnoxious white adolescents and eating corn on the cob and eating pizza and fries and dippin dots and getting soaked on a water ride along with another couple who didn't expect that much water, and driving the go karts for the first time and winning.

san francisco gay pride parade

2011-06-26T17:04:00.000-07:00

Woke up early in the morning with Justin to catch the McD's breakfast menu then drove like drunk bastards to El Cerrito and debating whether to smoke a joint at the BART or in the city but ending up not needing to because we were handed a drugged ice cream cone, and meeting up with Jin and Matt and seducing transsexuals, a man in a giant cat mascot suit and another in a giant penis mascot suit and shirtless women and men in tight leather lingerie to kiss our faces and give us hugs and strip teases, give us free things, scream back at us, and not to mention that strange little gay man who whispered something either inspiring or sleazy in my ear and had his friend take a picture of the both of us, and losing our voices and sharing a hot dog and all of that good gay stuff.